Konchiwa! Watashi no namae wa PAU desu.

im a princess.
prince.less princess to be exact. my knight in shining armor left me cause he had too much.
currently has no one. but i'll survive.Ü

EDIT: i did find my prince now. @2010.8.30

i surveyed earth for 18yrs now. ive learned that painting my nails is fun. chocolate is not bad. not bad at all. im battling anemia right now. not sure if im winning though.

i adore the only satellite of our planet
astronomy fascinates me.

what else. hmm.

i sorta like music. i guess. i sing a lot. really.
a melodramatic girl that loves the rain ubeeer much. can't help but watch each drop as it hit the pavement.

i doodle. but im not good at it. i suck

my life is filled with drama. people see me as judgmental. im a perfectionist with a lot of flaws and negativity. in peoples eyes i may look strong but i do cry. a lot. i experience pain too. i sometimes show people in contrast to what i really feel.

i have this blog as a bestfriend. this is my emotional outlet.
this would serve as a peeping hole to my stubborn soul.

if you find any of the contents offensive, do me a favor and SCRAM!





single.
not looking
loves GOD.

EDIT: im taken now.Ü @2010.8.30



laugh.
to be UPDATED

is it?

A successful relationship is the union of two good forgivers.

nakakababa ng tingin sa sarili kapag nagmahal.
kahit hindi na tama.
kahit natatapakan ka na.
hindi mo magagawang itulak siya.
kasi kapag nagmahal ka,
masgusto mong malapit siya.
kahit ilang beses mong sabihing tama na.
di ka aalis.
di ka bibitaw.
kasi nga, normal.

kung mahal mo,
wag ka mahiyang umiyak.
sa pagibig,
normal ang tanga.

kung iiyak ako,
walang makakarinig.
walang makakakita.
ako ang talo.

sabi nila
"wag mong panghinayangan kung mawala ang isang bagay na pwede mo namang palitan"
i don't know about other people but i find this really hard to do.
how can you just let something go when it had been a part of your life?
pano magiging madali sayo na bigla nalang mawala ang isang bagay na nakasanayan mong andyan?
yes. it's replaceable.
but will it still feel the same?
will it be just like before?
can you pretend that nothing happened and that you're still okay?
that you can still function without a hint of something missing?

i got my hair cut today.
i felt annoyed because it was really short.
but then i realized it'll grow back so it's not worth sulking.

e pano if it's a person you really care about ang nawala?
let's say, yeah kaya mo siyang palitan.
na madaming ibang taong kayang gawin yung mga things na ginagawa niyo together.
but will it still be the same feeling?
same happiness and content?
hindi mo ba hahanapin sa taong papalit yung taong nawala?

i think you would.
and i think people who believe the other way are fools.

marunung din naman akong mapagod.
not because ganyan ka.
not because you're way below what i expected of you.
you can do things if you want things to happen but apparently you have no intentions of doing so.
maybe because you don't freaking care.
pero in case you have no idea.
simple things can make anyone happy and yet you throw your excuses.
sorry cause ganito. sorry cause ganyan.
next time ganito na. next time ganyan.
the hell!
i don't care if ganito ganyan.
i can live without the things you expect me to want.
I AM living right now without them.
you can do things that can make things better.
doesn't need for you to have the things you don't have.
but as i watch you struggle with your reasons,
i can see how you can ignore your excuses for your own sake.
you're selfish.
siguru kasi wala ka naman talagang paki.
you don't care about your filthy promises.
you make me feel na tama sila.
i can see you put all my sacrifices to waste.
and im mad at myself for watching and allowing you to do what you pleases .
grabe hindi ako tanga pero nagbubulagbulagan ako.
to be honest.
you're not even 50% of what i deserve.
there's a few reasons why im still holding on.
besides the fact na sobrang mahal kita kaya ako ganito,
im so full of pride na
i don't want ipamuka sakin ng mga tao kung ganu ako kamali.
i don't want them to see how much pain im in right now.
i don't want them to see how unhappy i am.
ayoko na magdetails kung why i feel so unappreciated cause i don't want others to see how much i have to endure.
ayokong sabihin nila na ang tanga tanga ko for not listen.
kung ngayon bulag ako, nagsimula ako sa pagiging bingi.
and now im trying to be pipi.
cause speaking about everything will make their outlook of me being so tanga worst.
and lastly, ayokong sumbatan mo ko na tulad ko sila.
well naman. kung nang iwan sila, nasa same position ko siguro sila dati.
and perhaps they don't love you as much as i do now.
but napapagod na kong maging strong.
napapagod na nga akong ipaglaban ka.
dati.
i used to browse your profile every single day.
but now.
i don't even give a damn.
kasi thats how you make me feel.
not worth looking after.
ang dame kong hinahanap from you.
but eventually i've learned how to accept you for who you are not.
but im starting to lose my grip because of who you are.

HELLO BLOGGER!
i miss you.
i'll probably blog here again.
PROBABLY.

i'm still awake!
i don't know why.
i GMd almost everyone.
aun. dame pa pLa gcng ng gantong oras.
but i've realized something.
at this hour at night, most people that are still awake are the ones who are drinking.
or maybe too in love to get their airborne heart and mind to relax and doze off.
some maybe too broken and hurt to sleep.
but some are just plain insomniac.
i was about to start rereading eclipse again when a friend gave me the idea of surfing the net instead.
ha ha. nice.
as i mention earlier sa multiply,
i cant access blogger about 2-3 hours ago.
and HORA! finally. i was able to logged in.

boredom doesn't really kill anyone.
it just corrupts the mind and make you do stupid things.
this afternoon, out of boredom, i made a new moon poster parody.
ha ha. i don't wanna do it at first because i spent my entire morning doing editing already.
so i felt tired. besides, originally, ill make lang sana a serious version nung inedit ko nung morning.
but i was inspired because of the colors. wa ha. [watda]
and i had fun doing it. ^-^
posted it on multiply and was surprised na my ngcomment na daw.
i didn't know na may nagcomment na agad ng gnun kabilis.
yumi told me lang. he was laughing so i was curious na makita agad.
and no wonder why siya natawa. ha ha.
kahit ako pagkabasa ko natawa ko.
the image was indeed funny but the comment is way funnier.Ü

pagnakikita ko un inedit ko upto now natatawa parin ako.
haii. boredom.
but at least i'm using my ability to use adobe. ha ha.
i want a twilight poster parody din.
next time.Ü

hmm. time to try sleeping again..
good night. sweetest dreams.Ü

so yesterday was mothers day.
and yea mama is not here.
so i spent it with him.
he wanted me to attend the mass but apparently we lost track of time.
ha ha. second time na un.
why do people want me to attend mass e i'll be seeing things lang na kapunapuna.
and for the record, no one has succeeded - - well, yet.

he wanted to hear me sing.
well he already did.
pero i sing only to annoy him.
that's basically the reason why he hears me.
like the time we watched twilight.
he doesn't fancy paramore so i sang decode for him.
wa ha ha.
he tried forcing me to sing i caught myself.
i don't want nga. taas taas nun e.
pinipilit niya ko magkaraoke, ayoko.
but eventually i felt like singing. ha ha.
so HORA! KARAOKE.
i so love karaoke. much much much.
and the booth we chose amazed us.
it was FREE! ha ha. well maybe for about 5songs lan na free namen before it flashed "insert coin".

wish list:
MAGIC SING!
urr. i want that. so bad.
i'll be singing nonstop if ever i own one.

OMG. why am i so stupid these days.
mga post ko laging my paLpak. ha ha.


btw.
happy okasan day.Ü

[may 08 2009]

i woke up at around 9:30 something today.
was surprised cause yumi's message was sent past 7am.
he was too earLy.
his second message was around 9..
when i texted him he said i should get up na..
he's always pushy.. but today was to the extremes.
i didnt follow at first cause it was so maLameg.
sarap pa miga ng grabeng grabe.
i asked for 10mins pa.. ayaw nia. but di pa rin ako tumau.
ha ha. wee. i love the lameeeeeeg.
but i did get up after 10mins.. en took a shower even though the water was near freezing point.

after that, i texted yumi and he said he'll gonna teach me something he learned from the internet.
GREAT! ginising ako para utuen.. ha ha.
i was scared at first cause baka horror pagawa nia..
but he assured me na matutuwa daw ako..
[alam nia ata kun ganu kababaw ng mga bagay na kinaaaliwan ko]

he said i should get a gLass of coLd water daw.
i asked if need maLaki.. he said yea..
so i did. tapos he said kuha akong juice.
if my iced tea, mas better.
after nun i said tapos na and he said biLisan ko.
i said ulit na tapos na nga what should i do next.
and then he said hindi yan. and i was confused.
di ko alam kung bakit pero nakataLikod kc ako nun from the window sa harap ng bahay,
lumingon ako and looked around.
i sensed something fishy pero naicp ko imposibLe.
naguLat ako nung sabihin nung katuLong nmn
"kanina pa yun nasa labas"
and i was like "HA??"

i went outside, and there he was.
beaming at me.

i smiled back at him.

bow down. guLat mundo ko..
masmagaLing xa magsurprise kesa skin..
ha ha.
my birthday surprise for him didnt went that smoothly.


all in all, even inuto niya kong ipagtimpla xa ng juice, i was happy.Ü

im thinking of dancing poker face.
ha ha.
i wanna learn the dance!
urrr.
and as well as jai ho.
wa ha ha.



*indak*

what to bLog. what to bLog.
too early to have something to write about.

yesterday was a no-internet or pc day.
[oh! i did checked my plurk for a minute and left immediately last night]
5.4.9 was entirely spent with him.
we checked quantum for videoke rooms.
and they have. YEY.
dude wanted to sing ulit e. so i decided to see where we can go na malapit and mura.
so i texted dude but much to my surprise she was sad.
she cant have fun for now.
her lola is in the hospital kasi for 5days now i think. or more.
she said shes critical.
hai. lets pray.

grabe ang init kahapon.
parang nilalagnat un earth.
even nung gabi. kala ko sa loob lang ng bahay mainit.
pero we went ouside pero ganun pa rin.
grr. un efan ko pa parang naghihingalo para lang umihip ng hangin.
wa ha ha.


[this blog was written at around 10am]

i just wanna clear things out.

i did not, i repeat, DID NOT drink.
really.
i said ALMOST.
someone did almost taught me how but it didn't happen.

so i hope naliwanagan na mga tao.

[i was suppose to write this blog May 1 but i was too lazy to do so]


April 30 2009
natuLog ako at around 10:30-11pm
i cant remember.
early that night not because i have a 'curfew' kuno.
but because i cant keep my eyes open anymore.
i dont know why. i feel so tired.


May 1 2009
at around 12-1am ata. di ko na tanda. nagising ako.
i checked my phone and was amazed.
three people messaged me tapos parepareho pang 'gising ka pa?'
nagtextback ako to everyone. only two person replied.


quiray didnt reply. maybe tinuLugan nanaman ako..


friend one:
he was still awake cause he was waiting for someone.
the girl told him to wait so hintay naman daw siya.

-this friend called me last April 28.. he said the girl he was supposed to call was asleep na..
and hinihintay niyang magising ulit. [yup the same girl]
ginawa pakong pampalipas oras habang naghihintya siya.
when the call was cut off, i call diverted all calls. haha.
not to be mean or anything pero i was dealing with a problem that time.
[maybe problems]
so dame ko katext. i cant afford not to reply.
April 29, he tried calling me again. pero tulog na ko when he did.
so di ko nasagot. 4 missed calls.
maybe di nanaman niya nakausap yun girl..-

i asked if siLa, he said not. pero mahal niya daw.
sabi ko ligawan niya maybe the girl likes him back.
he said he thinks he doesnt need to court the girl anymore.
i asked kung what lagay niLa at nasabi nia un and he said he cant describe it.

the conversation:

F1: basta masaya kame.Ü
pau: hanggang keLan?
F1: 4ever.

[jealous much pau? want someone who has that same outlook about you? you let 2 of them go.. panindigan mo.] im not! SHUT UP CONSCIENCE!! waha.

he was madaya. sabi niya he has no one.
tapos biglang meron. if you read my post "onerous"
he was the one who told me

"ai nko kaya ako sarili ko lang meron ako.. ayoko ng ganyn.."

sinungaling! haha.


friend two:
he was sad. he said tinatake for granted siya of someone.
he said parang ginagamet lang siya or something like that.
he even used the term "tau tauhan".
the girl needs him lang if may kailangan.
and siya naman daw nagpapagamit.
i told him to tell the girl pero he doesnt want kasi magagalit daw.

so, watever.


friend three:
this person didn't messaged me.
ewan ko pero tinext ko siya..
and i guess thats the last time i will.
[thats the way he wants it, then thats the way its gonna be]


May 1 - morning.
supposedly tagaytay day.
everyone bailed last night.
so i told dude tambay na lang kame somewhere.

moa.

dame tao. dude, dai and i chilled.
videoke was what i really wanted.
sing my heart out!!
i needed that. i was so stressed for almost two weeks.
or more. so stressed that i almost give in to temptation.
someone agreed to teach me how to bare the bitter taste of alcohol.
whew! i survived. di ako nagpadala sa init ng ulo at sakit sa puso.
i just need relaxation and meditation. ha ha.
it was nice not to think of anything even just for a day.

happy day.
tiring yet gave my mind a rest.
and my heart a space to breathe.

shi deleted me as a contact on multiply.
i don't know what to say to be honest.
i mean, really.
my jaw dropped when i realized he's no longer on my list of friends.
i wonder if he deleted me on FS as well.
but i dont wanna check.
i feel like he really doesn't want me in his life anymore.
even just for a friend.
just like what he said
"isipin mo na lang i never existed"

ill try harder thinking that way.
he's moving on.
i guess i should do as he says.

i made a wordpress account minutes ago..
and god it was not user friendly.
or maybe that's just because i'm a noob.
ha ha.

i logged out after experiencing it for maybe just 5mins.
i still love blogger..Ü♥

was thinking that
if ever i find it better that blogger, im gonna delete this blog and transfer there.
but apparently i didnt like it.
maybe in the future.



i have this "thing" about registering in almost every site i find interesting.
have an account on imeem, youtube, friendster, multiply, plurk, myspace, facebook, friendsorenemies, last.fm, hi5 [dead already i guess ha ha], here [of course], adlsu.ning, livejournal [w/c i can no longer open cause of password issues], squidspace, shockwave, mybrute, neopets [ow my poor pet might be dead already!!], jamlegend, dinoparc, dinorpg, minicLip and a bunch more gaming sites.. and i cant even remember the others. ^-^

and the thing is, i dont really update or use my membership in all sites im registered at.
its just for the sake of having an account there.

ate once said "parang nirereserve mo lang ata un username para sau"
ha ha.
and ive thought, hmm. maybe.

im thinking of having a twitter account..
lets see..Ü